Then when Judas, his betrayer, saw that Jesus was condemned, he changed his mind and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders, saying, “I have sinned by betraying innocent blood.”
ESV Notes:
Judas’ feelings of remorse and his attempt to return the blood money are recorded only by Matthew. “Changed his mind” (Greek, metamelomai) Judas experienced feelings of regret and remorse, but this is less than “repentance” (Greek, metanoia) which means a change of heart.
Judas, one of Jesus’ disciples, a close friend; the treasure holder, a leader, and one of the twelve pillars of Jesus’ ministry. Judas the rebel, now leader in ministry messes up…big time. Instead of truly changing his heart, he chooses to live in regret and guilt, finding he cannot live with it for long; realizing he put the life of one who truly loved him at stake. This leads to his suicide.
Truthfully, Judas was not more responsible for the death of Christ than any of the other disciples…so why do we treat him as enemy #2? Casting blame on this man removes us from the mirror; the reflection that paints us within the same form, within the very colors of this Judas. In truth, we are as guilty, as twisted, as untrustworthy as this Judas. And the enemy of our souls would use the same trappings, the very same devices and designs on us.
‘This man is not my king’ he would whisper…taking agreement that Jesus has not truly freed me, or removed my problems which line up like a Roman platoon. ‘Neither has this man lead me to victory.’ True I would reply, and my enemies are alive and well, what happened to “Vengence is mine?” ‘I should do something about this, take matters in my own hands, be the good guy, play the hero for once.’ Yes, following this man does not win me any popularity contests, in fact I even find myself on the fringe of those I call my friends.
Then matters become our burden to lift; and rightfully so, we know what needs to happen, we can meet our needs. Our actions become blurred as the deed is done, hours passing as seconds, betrayal as swift as an arrow, hitting its mark with such precision. The moment then hits us as we realize the transaction paid, the look of betrayal played back through our minds, each second as an hour as guilt permeates within our core.
What have I done?
How many times have I known this place, the times spent betraying the one who cares for me the most. Guilt and regret, I know them well; however, repentance is a better friend, albeit one I spend the least amount of time with. But repentance is a rich friendship. It reconnects me with the ones I love. It turns me aside and walks me down a path tread with my knees. Though I may be in leadership, though I may find myself a friend of God, though I may take part in raising a ministry…and blow it…though I may look like a Judas, I become more and more like Jesus though repentance. Being conformed into his image, and not my own.
Lord your kindness leads me to repentance. I thank you for your loving kindness. Transform my heart, lead me to turn from my ways, call me into this life anew. May repentance become my good friend, not just a casual acquaintance. I trust you are my king. You have freed me. I trust we will face my enemies together. I trust in your victory. I trust that you are an avenger. In you I find my peace, my friendships, and true love. To you I give my burdens, to you I bring my needs, knowing that you have my best interest in mind. Thank you Lord that I no longer need to claim control.
Amen
Mudpies & innocent bystanders 